What bikini body?

Know what? I used to be funny. And witty. And skinny. And outgoing and social. And skinny. What they heck happened between the ages 21 and 26 1/2? I'll tell you what. Marriage (sorry babe), kids, food, good food, even better food and laziness. Ugh. So now I'm determined to get back to that 21 year old body. Hey, I see women in their 40's who have 19 kids and have a 6 pack, and they sport their bikini all proud. Me? I wouldn't be caught dead in a bikini right now. Sure I lost all the baby weight, but, everything has SHIFTED. DOWN. So next week I have to go buy a 1 piece bathing suit for our summer vacation. Yup. For me, this is a first. I'm pretty sure I came out of the womb wearing bikini's. I even wore one when I was pregnant! Psh, those days are long gone. I'm reading this really great book called "Naturally Thin." It's fabulous. It's about not dieting, but having control over yourself. And the one thing I have learned from this book is, I have no control over myself. But I'm ready to make it work. This week I've followed "the rules" of the book, and so far so good. Sometimes I make good investments, sometimes I don't. But I pick back up next meal and move forward. I must say, I think my pants might feel a little looser today...

Worst mother of the day award goes to....Me.

The last 10 minutes of my life have been the absolute hardest I've ever had to endure. I made my dear, sweet, innocent son cry himself to sleep. Why would I do such a terrible thing, you ask? Because I created a "monster" I swore I never would. Branson has become VERY accustomed to sleeping in our bed. He nurses to sleep (a big no no, I know) and then most often I curl up next to him and can't stand the thought of putting him away. There is nothing more sweet than his little tiny body curled into mine, and his sweet soft breath breathing on me. But you see, when I wake up with 4 inches of bed space on a California king bed, something is wrong. And I can't even tell you the last time Ryan and I got to cuddle. It's like we aren't even in the same bed. So with Ryan gone I decided to clean house. Today I made little man cry himself to sleep for his first nap (in his own crib). The sobs lasted 5 minutes exactly. In fact as I was walking in to comfort him (every 5 minutes, per the books), he magically stopped and was fast asleep. Nice! I thought. No so bad. For his second nap, I simply layed him down, turned on mobile, and he talked himself to sleep. Even nicer!!! But tonight, oh those sobs, my heart broke. I welled up and sat in the hallway crying right along with him. I came in after 5 minutes and he latched on to my hand like the entire world was ending. I comforted him just long enough to let him know he wasn't alone, I tore myself away and went back to my sad little spot on the cold tile floor, and listened to the sobs for 5 more minute. Then they stopped. He had sobbed himself to sleep. And I feel like the worst mother in the world.

There were some positives this week though. Branson is now sitting up on his own. And boy does he love to do it! He loves that he can have toys in his lap and pick them up and put them in his mouth. He also had 2 teeth cut in. I was terrified he had thrush or something god awful, but there is no mistaken the sharpness of those puppies! I'm so proud I can't even tell you. My little man is changing way to fast for me to keep up. I'm a little sad though, because Ryan has missed all of this. He has been in Bolivia this week and won't be home until Sunday. I know Branson misses him, and mommy just doesn't cut it in the fun department. I can't imagine how Ryan must feel being away from him. It would absolutely devastate me to have to be in his position. I'm pretty stoked for their reunion.

Happy dreams, I'm off to kiss my sleeping Angel and beg for his forgiveness.

list.

Things happening right now:

*My kitchen is almost done. It totally looks awesome. Clean up - not so awesome.

* Branson has taken a liking to eating his feet at any chance he gets. The cutest part is in the early morning when he isn't quite flexible enough to get his foot to his mouth. He tries so hard.

*Branson laughing at all the animals. You can just tell he wants to get up and run around with them. Maybe pull on Honey's ear, put Maggies tail in his mouth. Him licking his lips when he looks at Ming has me a little worried though...

* Branson has taken to sucking on his middle finger. Inadvertently, his index finger ends up going up one nostril. I love it. I'll try to catch a picture of it.

* Ryan bought jet skis.

* I'm seriously contemplating getting a personal trainer.

that's all for now.

Bare Essentials

After having our house all crazy last week from the power outage, this week has been even crazier. We are remodeling our kitchen. I mean, COMPLETELY. For those of you that didn't see it before, it was like you stepped into the mid 80's. Pink wood, green tile, beige (I think) appliances. Our house was built in 1994. There is no good excuse for this. Monday they gutted the thing. Right down to the bare framework. Our fridge is in our den, our microwave too. We feed/wash/cook at the bar in the den as well. NOT FUN. The worst part? That's a toss up between the horrid smell of the the wood stain, and the 14 inches of dust that cover everything in my house. The brown dog bed is now white. No kidding. Branson and I have been confined to the master, the office, and sleeping in Keenans room. It will probably take me 2 weeks to get everything back in order. This has been stressing me out like crazy. My masseuse even made a comment about how my knots are more stubborn than usual. But today, the granite guy came and saved the day. I was finally able to see our beautiful granite up against our beautiful wood. I tell ya, it's going to transform the whole house. I'll post some before and after pics as soon as it is done.

But call us crazy... we are doing our bedroom next. We are tearing out this gorgeous 1983 shag carpet and putting in hardwood. Welcome Peel Family, to the new Millennium! Oh and then? Then we are doing the guest bathroom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhh! My hair is turning grey, I can feel it.