filling up my own glass

There are times in my life when it all seems still. Not the calm, peaceful, relaxing still of a pretty lake on a summer morning (wouldn't that be ncie). But the slowly sinking in quick sand kind of still. It seems like sometimes things are not good, and they aren't getting better and may never get better. I'm not talking about anything big here, just small things. A rediculous argument with my husband, the incessant meltdowns my son has every night that he can't sleep in my bed, the never ending pet messes, the car troubles, the countless loads of laundry that keep piling up. These things can drive you crazy if you decide to sit there and stew on the fact that they will ALWAYS happen. But you know what? Even if they "always" happen, it's different every time. So it isn't "still". The only thing that is still is my decision to not change my reaction to these things. So I've decided to change my reaction. This is much easier said than done, and I can tell you that sometimes my new reaction is not the right one by a long shot, and things seems worse before they get better. But who am I to let every day things dictate my emtions? Take over my feelings, my mood and my ability to love and be loved? This is one of my biggest faults. Too often the glass is half empty and I so badly want it to be half full. Hell fill it up all the way! My problem is, I depend too much on others to fill my glass. Everyday I'm searching for the strength to fill my own glass with my own happiness. Again not an easy task, but one I'm willing to tackle. If only I could stop looking for the answer in others. Ok. That was hard for me to type knowing that some people that I fear the judgement of will read this, but, that is what a blog is for, venting, right? And this is me taking control of me.

On to filling my glass. Branson is officially rolling over. Only from front to back, but the rest is on it's way, I can just feel it. He is so amazing, and he so gets life. You can just look at him and see that he gets it. He gets that it's funny when daddy plays peek-a-boo. It's funny because he disappears and then pops up out of no where. He gets that its even funnier when daddy disappears and Honey (our dog) pops up out of no where. Yes, my darling 5 month old son understands that this is a joke. I could watch him laugh all day long, it brings me so. much. joy.