IT TAKES A VILLAGE

After having a few long and deep and heart wrenching felt discussions with other mothers who's opinions I value, I've come to a conclusion that I thought only existed in me; It's not always roses being a full time mommy.  In fact, sometimes we down right despise it.  Doing even the simplest of tasks like changing a diaper, or reading a book can make you see red.  WHY??? I don't know.  But I do know it's ok to feel that sometimes.  And as long as it's only sometimes and not all the times, I know I'm doing a damn good job.  Or at least the best I can.  Kids are stressful and taxing!  Some days I wake and get absolutely nothing accomplished, and yet I'm exhausted by 4 pm.  Add to that making dinner, cleaning up dinner, cleaning up toys, bed time, and then what is supposed to some sort of intimate time with your partner, and I'm pretty sure I should be medicated.  Some days I half-ass it.  Some days the kids win and they get to sit on the couch and watch Dora all day long.  And eat PB&J for lunch, and maybe a quesadilla for dinner, with out the sight of one veggie or piece of fruit (ok, maybe sometimes this happens for more than one day at once...).  There are days that  the screaming, whining, crying, fussing, hitting, throwing, pushing, &  "NO"'s make me want to pack a bag and head out of town.  These days I think not nice things about people that I love, and never mean a word in those thoughts.  I then end up thinking not nice things about myself, which is the worst possible thing for the mental well being of a mommy.   I firmly believe that this is directly related to, with out getting into too much of the psychiatric nonsense that no one wants to hear, the fact that long ago our ancestors had the help of all loved ones.  Really, not even that long ago this was common.  You know that saying, "it takes a village to raise a child"?  it really used to, and it really still does.  In fact I was at a wedding last month and an older lady asked me where my kids were.  When I told her they were at home with daddy, she replied, "you sent some family over to help him, right?".  There ya go.  Problem solved.  This lady (and all you other mothers, lol)is not meant to do all this by herself.  I have a strong admiration to those women and men raising kids in a city with out any support system.  I couldn't imagine where I would be if I didn't have the help of both Ryan and my parents.  Actually, I know where I would be.  In a padded room with a straight jacket and a numbing pill cocktail.  Sometimes, that sounds really, really nice.

But, MOST of the time, I look at my kids and remember that I am their leader, and how I respond to them will teach them their future responses.  If I can just walk away when I see red, and not let them know I am seeing that color, then I can come back in 5 minutes and start fresh.  I often tell my kids and husband that Mommy needs a time out.  In fact I know I need it way more often than the kids do.  Time outs coupled with the unconditional support of my husband give me the small amount of sanity that keeps me from running. 

In short - not really, right? - it's ok to not always be Susy home maker.  Some days you have to be Big Bad Bertha.