The last 10 minutes of my life have been the absolute hardest I've ever had to endure. I made my dear, sweet, innocent son cry himself to sleep. Why would I do such a terrible thing, you ask? Because I created a "monster" I swore I never would. Branson has become VERY accustomed to sleeping in our bed. He nurses to sleep (a big no no, I know) and then most often I curl up next to him and can't stand the thought of putting him away. There is nothing more sweet than his little tiny body curled into mine, and his sweet soft breath breathing on me. But you see, when I wake up with 4 inches of bed space on a California king bed, something is wrong. And I can't even tell you the last time Ryan and I got to cuddle. It's like we aren't even in the same bed. So with Ryan gone I decided to clean house. Today I made little man cry himself to sleep for his first nap (in his own crib). The sobs lasted 5 minutes exactly. In fact as I was walking in to comfort him (every 5 minutes, per the books), he magically stopped and was fast asleep. Nice! I thought. No so bad. For his second nap, I simply layed him down, turned on mobile, and he talked himself to sleep. Even nicer!!! But tonight, oh those sobs, my heart broke. I welled up and sat in the hallway crying right along with him. I came in after 5 minutes and he latched on to my hand like the entire world was ending. I comforted him just long enough to let him know he wasn't alone, I tore myself away and went back to my sad little spot on the cold tile floor, and listened to the sobs for 5 more minute. Then they stopped. He had sobbed himself to sleep. And I feel like the worst mother in the world.
There were some positives this week though. Branson is now sitting up on his own. And boy does he love to do it! He loves that he can have toys in his lap and pick them up and put them in his mouth. He also had 2 teeth cut in. I was terrified he had thrush or something god awful, but there is no mistaken the sharpness of those puppies! I'm so proud I can't even tell you. My little man is changing way to fast for me to keep up. I'm a little sad though, because Ryan has missed all of this. He has been in Bolivia this week and won't be home until Sunday. I know Branson misses him, and mommy just doesn't cut it in the fun department. I can't imagine how Ryan must feel being away from him. It would absolutely devastate me to have to be in his position. I'm pretty stoked for their reunion.
Happy dreams, I'm off to kiss my sleeping Angel and beg for his forgiveness.
No comments:
Post a Comment