Worst mother of the day award goes to....Me.

The last 10 minutes of my life have been the absolute hardest I've ever had to endure. I made my dear, sweet, innocent son cry himself to sleep. Why would I do such a terrible thing, you ask? Because I created a "monster" I swore I never would. Branson has become VERY accustomed to sleeping in our bed. He nurses to sleep (a big no no, I know) and then most often I curl up next to him and can't stand the thought of putting him away. There is nothing more sweet than his little tiny body curled into mine, and his sweet soft breath breathing on me. But you see, when I wake up with 4 inches of bed space on a California king bed, something is wrong. And I can't even tell you the last time Ryan and I got to cuddle. It's like we aren't even in the same bed. So with Ryan gone I decided to clean house. Today I made little man cry himself to sleep for his first nap (in his own crib). The sobs lasted 5 minutes exactly. In fact as I was walking in to comfort him (every 5 minutes, per the books), he magically stopped and was fast asleep. Nice! I thought. No so bad. For his second nap, I simply layed him down, turned on mobile, and he talked himself to sleep. Even nicer!!! But tonight, oh those sobs, my heart broke. I welled up and sat in the hallway crying right along with him. I came in after 5 minutes and he latched on to my hand like the entire world was ending. I comforted him just long enough to let him know he wasn't alone, I tore myself away and went back to my sad little spot on the cold tile floor, and listened to the sobs for 5 more minute. Then they stopped. He had sobbed himself to sleep. And I feel like the worst mother in the world.

There were some positives this week though. Branson is now sitting up on his own. And boy does he love to do it! He loves that he can have toys in his lap and pick them up and put them in his mouth. He also had 2 teeth cut in. I was terrified he had thrush or something god awful, but there is no mistaken the sharpness of those puppies! I'm so proud I can't even tell you. My little man is changing way to fast for me to keep up. I'm a little sad though, because Ryan has missed all of this. He has been in Bolivia this week and won't be home until Sunday. I know Branson misses him, and mommy just doesn't cut it in the fun department. I can't imagine how Ryan must feel being away from him. It would absolutely devastate me to have to be in his position. I'm pretty stoked for their reunion.

Happy dreams, I'm off to kiss my sleeping Angel and beg for his forgiveness.

list.

Things happening right now:

*My kitchen is almost done. It totally looks awesome. Clean up - not so awesome.

* Branson has taken a liking to eating his feet at any chance he gets. The cutest part is in the early morning when he isn't quite flexible enough to get his foot to his mouth. He tries so hard.

*Branson laughing at all the animals. You can just tell he wants to get up and run around with them. Maybe pull on Honey's ear, put Maggies tail in his mouth. Him licking his lips when he looks at Ming has me a little worried though...

* Branson has taken to sucking on his middle finger. Inadvertently, his index finger ends up going up one nostril. I love it. I'll try to catch a picture of it.

* Ryan bought jet skis.

* I'm seriously contemplating getting a personal trainer.

that's all for now.

Bare Essentials

After having our house all crazy last week from the power outage, this week has been even crazier. We are remodeling our kitchen. I mean, COMPLETELY. For those of you that didn't see it before, it was like you stepped into the mid 80's. Pink wood, green tile, beige (I think) appliances. Our house was built in 1994. There is no good excuse for this. Monday they gutted the thing. Right down to the bare framework. Our fridge is in our den, our microwave too. We feed/wash/cook at the bar in the den as well. NOT FUN. The worst part? That's a toss up between the horrid smell of the the wood stain, and the 14 inches of dust that cover everything in my house. The brown dog bed is now white. No kidding. Branson and I have been confined to the master, the office, and sleeping in Keenans room. It will probably take me 2 weeks to get everything back in order. This has been stressing me out like crazy. My masseuse even made a comment about how my knots are more stubborn than usual. But today, the granite guy came and saved the day. I was finally able to see our beautiful granite up against our beautiful wood. I tell ya, it's going to transform the whole house. I'll post some before and after pics as soon as it is done.

But call us crazy... we are doing our bedroom next. We are tearing out this gorgeous 1983 shag carpet and putting in hardwood. Welcome Peel Family, to the new Millennium! Oh and then? Then we are doing the guest bathroom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhh! My hair is turning grey, I can feel it.

The Power of Power.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to change a poopy diaper by candle light? Nearly impossible. I don't know how they did it in cave man days (did they even have diapers??? maybe they used leaves...). I could have gone postal on NV Energy the last 2 days. To say the least, my luck hasn't been that great since about Friday. I'm not going to bore you with my pitty party, but I will bore you with my strong abhorring for the flippin power company. Tuesday morning I woke up thinking, "Ming, we aren't in Kansas anymore". The wind was so strong it blew over one of our huge pine trees, blew our bbq across the patio, shifted all of our heavy patio furniture, and took tiles off of our roof. And of course, our power was out. I'm kind of used to that. Ever since we moved here last year, our power goes out more than ever in my life. The most has been for maybe 12 hours or so. Not this time. When I first called the power company they told me my power would be restored by noon. GREAT! Not a big deal at all. I was going to pack me and the baby up, go to my moms, shower and hang out. Then my handsome husband wakes up (don't have any clue how he slept through the tornado of the year) and says, "honey don't worry, in a half hour we will have power. I'm going to go get the generator and hook up our water." See, since we are on a well out here, if we don't have power, we don't have water. And since we have radiant floor heating, if we don't have water, we don't have heat. You get the picture, right? Well I'm thinking, "husband to the rescue!" and bless his soul, it was NOT a half hour later, but almost 5 hours later, we had water, And heat. And one light. That's right, by 2 pm we were ready to roll. But wait, the power company had said we would be restored by noon, hmmmm. I call again and this time they tell me 3. 3 pm comes and goes...no power. I call again. 7 pm is the new time estimate. While I'm gone picking up Bransons heart medicine (that is a WHOLE different story, I'll save it for a rainy day), 7 pm quickly popped up. Stillnopower (just say it as one word, it may as well be at this point). Ryan calls, and the lady PROMISES him it will be NO LATER than 9 pm. You can guess what happened next, right? Fast forward to the next day at 1 pm, we finally have power. We called so many times that they finally stopped giving us any information. And the worst part? Everyone on our street and in our entire neighborhood had power but us. It took a favor from a friend that has a brother who works at NV Energy to get this thing fixed. Within 2 hours of calling Mr. High-Up-At-NVEnergy, we were completely back in action. 33 hours later. I went 33 hours with no TV, no computer, no light, no washer/dryer, no dishwasher, no music, no life, with a 6 month old baby. So what is the lesson learned here? I'm going to do my very best to stick it to the power company. I'm researching wind mills and solar panels, and I'm going to forgo the damn power company. Anything has got to be better than dealing with those people. Except you Mr. High-Up that helped us. You're cool.

Let's have a mindful moment

Listen to the bell. Let the bell guide you into your mindful moment. Pay attention to your breathing, the movement in and out of your body. Breath. Notice your thoughts, but dismiss them as just that; thoughts. Let them go with each breath. Breath. Notice your places of tension. Any tension you may have in your body, be mindful of it, and let it go. Relax your head, your eyes, your neck, all the way to your toes. Breath. Bring your mind back to your breathing, and let it just be there. Just. Breath.

Feel better?

I do.

Aces

*Branson at his first Ace's game

*Branson sleeping with Momo






Is it bad that I'm sitting here humming the tune to Branson's baby Einstein play mat music thingy? Cause I am. And I find myself listening to Disney radio on Pandora, and watching Baby Neptune on the TV. Oh boy, I might be loosing it.

Anyhow. I have kind of "found" myself the last few days. Thursday we took Branson to the opening night at Aces ballpark. Seemed like a good idea. Right? Wrong. It was way too much for my baby. He had a meltdown about every 10 minutes as soon as we arrived. That meant that mom and or dad had to walk the baby until he relaxed, and the people around us were annoyed, and I was starving, and Ryan wanted to watch the game, and I didn't watch the game ( I couldn't even tell you who was playing). Needless to say we won't be doing that again for a very long time. At least if it's up to me. But, we learned our lesson at least. Friday my mom watched Branson while Ryan and I went to dinner, then I took baby home and Ryan went to the ballpark again. I'm sure it was much more enjoyable for everyone that night.

On to finding myself...Ryan and I spent the whole day together Saturday. We had a wonderful lunch at Hiroba Sushi. And, I even got to eat my whole meal uninterrupted because baby slept. Later that night, we went to the Aces game. And Branson stayed with Grandma and Grandpa. It was like, a DATE. I was even a little nervous. For many reasons. Number one, last time I went to the Aces game ( aside from Thursday, I'm not counting that), I was pregnant and uncomfortable. It was too hot. Or too cold. And I could NOT focus on the games. The only good thing was eating soft serve. Second, Ryan and I REALLY needed some time together. Some un-tense time. Would we get along? Would we have something to talk about? We did. And we did. It was so nice and so much more needed. A reconnection was made.

My mom always tells me to "remember the moments" with your baby. The moments where everything else is gone and it's just you and your little one. I got to have one of those moments this weekend. Saturday night we left the game at 9, which was early because it was cold (and maybe a little bit because we missed the baby). When we got to Mike and Barbara's, Barbara opened the door with Branson in her arms and it happened. My son reached for his mommy for the first time ever. Time stood still. It assured me that yes, he had missed me too and yes, he was happy to see me. My heart melting into pure goo. With tears in my eyes I held him tight. I never wanted to let him go. I didn't even want to put him in his car seat for the oh-so-long 3 minute drive home. I will never forget that moment. I'll remember every detail within our little bubble for the rest of my life.

Hoping and Praying...

Easter has tuckered our family out. I'm sitting here wondering where the last 5 months have gone. What happened to my little baby that barely stayed awake long enough to eat? He used to just lay there. Maybe look around a little. Wait quietly for someone to pick him up. Now...he's big. He has a personality. He laughs at funny things (like daddy). He grabs what ever it is that he wants. He then cries if you take it away. He knows his mommy and daddy, and often times doesn't want anyone else besides one of the two to hold him. He talks - ok babbles - he is awake most of the day, then fights sleep at night. He has found his feet and thinks that they will make very tastey treats, if only he could get the darn things to his mouth. And, he loves. Yes, he loves, and most importantly he loves me. I can see it and feel it every day. While there is nothing better than that feeling, I'm so sad at how fast the time is going.

This morning we got up at 5:30 am to get ready for church. And when I say "we", I mean me. I got up at 5:30, everyone else got up at about 6:20. And we were still rushing out the door to make it to 8:00 mass. But Branson looked so cute. He wore big boy pants with a button down shirt and a polo underneath. Any mother out there will tell you that most of the time if it looks cute on the hanger, and it doesn't snap at the crotch, it's going to be your worst enemy. But, at least he looked cute for 5 minutes. After church we had brunch at Momo's. The easter bunny left Branson a HUGE basket filled with a few toys and an abundance of candy. I think he forgot Branson doesn't eat solids yet. The rest of the day was filled as well, we went to Mike and Barbara's for lunch and an egg hunt with Dylan and Jaslyn, then home to meet with Grandpa B and Marlaina. Let me tell you Branson made out like a bandit. Fun toys, cute clothes, and candy for mommy and daddy. We LOVE holidays :)

Now I'm sitting here waiting for Delivery Diner to bring me my dinner, then Ryan and I will enjoy the rest of the movie we started last night, and hope and pray that baby falls asleep around 9, after me. I really feel like I might go to sleep now. Hoping and praying...